“But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good
for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have
self-control let them marry; for it is better to marry than
to burn with passion” (vv 8-9).
The Lord Jesus, a defender of the sanctity of marriage, says
this on marriage and staying single, “And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and
marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said
to Him, ‘If the relationship of the man with his wife is
like this, it is better not to marry.’ But He said to them,
“Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to
whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born
that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who
were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who
made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of
heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it’”
(Matthew 19:9-12).
The Jews of Jesus’ day saw divorce not as a kind of
necessary evil, but as a right. The only differences between
liberal and conservative Jews on divorce are over the
reasons for a divorce. The liberal Jews believed virtually
any reason was grounds for divorce (Matthew 19:3).
Conservative Jews feel divorce is not quite so easy to
obtain, nor can the basis for a divorce be so trivial.
The Pharisees did not ask Jesus about the morality of
divorce; they only want Him to reveal His views on what
grounds are sufficient for a divorce. Jesus refuses to
concentrate on the exceptions, but rather dwells on the
rule. God never commanded men to divorce. At the very most,
God reluctantly allows men to divorce for very limited
reasons, due to the hardness of men’s hearts. Jesus goes
back to the garden and sets before His questioners God’s
ideal for marriage: One man, married to the same woman, for
life. What God joins, no man should dare to separate.
While Paul gives instructions concerning the permanent
support of a very select group of elderly widows in verses
3-10, he specifically prohibits supporting younger widows in
verses 11-15. Instead of instructing young widows to stay
single, he encourages them to remarry. His logic, providing
permanent support for younger widows would encourage them to
stay single. Supported by the church, they would rightly
feel obliged to make a pledge to stay single. As time
passes, this young woman would begin to feel the tug of her
sexual passions (v 11). When a certain Mr. Wonderful comes
along, this woman would be tempted to despise her commitment
to Christ and to break her vow, thus bringing condemnation
upon herself. Further, fully supported by the church, some
young widows would be tempted to become busybodies, since
they would have a lot of time on their hands. They have
neither a family to care for nor a job to consume their time
and energies.
Here we have the two extremes. On the one hand, our Lord and
the Apostle Paul encourage the single life. On the other,
our Lord and the Apostle Paul encourage marriage. How can we
reconcile these seemingly conflicting instructions?
A similar apparent contradiction exists in the words of our
Lord concerning discipleship. On the one hand, Jesus invited
men and women to follow Him, to become His disciples. On the
other hand, Jesus almost seems to discourage potential
followers from becoming His disciples. Both appear to be
happening in Luke’s Gospel chapter 9:57-62.
Jesus does want men and women to be His disciples, to follow
Him. However, He does not want half-hearted followers. He
knows how easy it is to turn from the path of discipleship.
He knows the difficulties and demands of following Him.
Therefore, when He invites people to follow Him, He clearly
sets out the demands of discipleship. He discourages the
faint-hearted from starting on a course that they will not
complete. Thus, He both invites people to follow Him, and He
discourages people from following Him. The result is that
those who do follow Him are more likely to endure, for they
have counted the cost of discipleship.
The same is true of purposing to stay single or marry. The
Bible encourages some to stay single, as the most effective
way to serve God. Yet the Bible also discourages men and
women from staying single, knowing that many who commit
themselves to such a life will not keep it and will bring
condemnation upon themselves. The result is that those few
who choose to follow Christ by staying single are those who
are most committed to doing so, and thus are the most likely
to persevere in their commitment to a celibate single
lifestyle.
Paul’s intent in his instructions to the members of the
Corinthian church was not to keep most Christians from
marrying or to place a stigma on those who do. Yet they have
great value for every Christian who is not yet married. In
the past, more so than today, marriage was considered the
norm and any who did not get married felt a strong pressure
to do so. The implication of Paul’s advice here is that no
Christian should assume that marriage is the path God would
have for them. Both the benefits and the liabilities of
marriage must be carefully weighed. Can a couple say with
genuine conviction that God has led them to marry and that
their marriage will enhance their ministry rather than
restrict it? There would be fewer divorces among Christians
if couples considered the cost and commitments of marriage
before saying, “I do.” While some Christian young people may
be reluctant to admit it, strong sexual passion is a very
good reason for marriage, but let them be certain to marry a
godly mate.
In his instructions, Paul clearly indicates that marriage is
not sin. In fact, marriage may be instrumental in keeping a
Christian from sin. Remaining single can be a very
beneficial means to serving God, for those who have the
self-control to handle their sexual passions. Yet it can
prove to be a temptation greater than some can handle, if
they lack sufficient self-control.
Paul’s instructions, removes the social stigma some feel if
they remain single. To those who are single, Paul’s words
mean they can rejoice in the freedom being single gives them
to serve God. Neither those who are single, nor those who
are married, should see themselves as any more spiritual
than the rest. Whether single or married, we are to serve
the Lord and to seek His glory. Either option has its
benefits and blessings. Consequently, there is no need to
agonize over one’s marital state, but rather we should seek
to serve the Lord, whether married or single.
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul makes it clear that marriage is
neither unspiritual, nor is it heaven on earth. Marriage is
a liberty which some Christians will exercise to the glory
of God, but which some Christians may forego to the glory of
God. Marriage is not the key to happiness or spirituality.
The one who will most benefit from marriage is the one who
does not feel compelled to marry to find happiness or joy in
this life.
